Today's Music That Jason Probably Wouldn't Even Steal is The Boy Least Likely To, The Best Party Ever. I am on my first listen of this album, and I suspect it will be my last, and I also suspect that I won't make it through the entire album before I give up on it.
So why do I dislike this album so much? It seems to be as gentle as music can possibly be, unaffecting to the point of blandness. If I had a son, I would probably let him listen to this until the age of ten, at which point I would take it away from him so he wouldn't become Martin Prince from the Simpsons. This music is what would happen if someone heard Badly Drawn Boy, specifically maybe his soundtrack to the film About A Boy, and said to him/herself, "that Damon Gough really rocks too hard, I wonder if I could make music like his that is just a little safer. Something that wouldn't bother my toddlers too much." I guess this album isn't offensive, just completely lacking in any interesting qualities. To summarize: The Boy Least Likely To, thanks for coming by, but you can't come be a wet blanket at the party again. We won't call you because you're probably going to be offended when someone goes for a second beer, and 8 p.m. is too early to quit having any fun for the night. Good luck with the kids show!
In Other News:
Vampire Weekend, go the fuck away. You guys only rock a little bit harder than The Boy Least Likely To, and you're absolutely everywhere. Quit screwing up my radio and everything else, you suck. I still have my copy of Graceland and it rocks harder than you do. If I combined you with The Boy Least Likely To, together you wouldn't rock as hard as a 1 on a scale of 1 to 11. Nobody likes your band, quit and go back to school, the world needs more investment bankers.
Also, I'm going to see Henry Rollins tomorrow, and looking forward to it. Woo!